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Posts tagged ‘writing’

May 9

Up For Air

Long, cold winters and I don’t mix.  It signals hibernation mode and all I want to do is curl up, bury my head, and wake when the cherry blossoms bloom.  Even then, I didn’t feel much like writing.  Instead, I buried myself in the vast storages of Youtube videos about everything from couponing to how to apply the perfect winged liner.  Somehow seeing someone get $100 worth of stuff from CVS for $2 just captures my attention.  I like a good bargain, so somehow this stuff just sucks me into the void.

This semester kept me quite busy too. (Don’t they all?)  The name of the class was Advanced Revision, so I worked on improving everything I wrote last year. My goal was to write one short story a month, but I didn’t even come close.  In fact, reading over all my lovely goals for this year, I realized that I haven’t achieved any of them.  The year is not over yet, but so far I am off to a supremely crappy start.

Please note: If you’re goal is to not buy any books, DO NOT SIGN UP FOR A READING CLASS.  That’s like swearing off sweets and then signing up for a desert making class.

What the heck was I thinking?

I’m in between semesters now, so I am bound and determined to finish something in these few short weeks.  I only have two more classes to go before thesis, so I have to start getting my work together.  Before I know it, it will be December.  I’d better be ready WAY before that.  Thesis is no joke.  Everyone I know says that it is the hardest class, and I just want it to go smoothly.  So planning, planning, and more planning.  Then writing, writing, and more writing.  Thank goodness my favorite TV shows will be in reruns.  I know that is a distraction, but damn, I love THE GOOD WIFE.  My Sunday is not complete without that show.

I also have to find some time to submit my stories.  I got so wrapped up in the revision, I forgot to keep submitting.  Constantly revising is such a temptation.  But I need to force myself to keep going.

I want to bury my head, but I need to come up for air.

So my tiny, baby goals for this in-between-semester period will be finish one story, revise one story, and submit one story.  If I do more, great, but I’m aiming low.  Keep it simple and maybe I will move forward.

Jan 15

New Goals for 2014

It’s the 15th of January, so technically it is still around the beginning of the year.  I wanted to write some of my goals for 2014 down.  I think that putting them out here publicly will be a good way to hold myself accountable.  Some of these will be easy, but others will take a lot of discipline.

Goal #1 — Finish 12 short stories a year and 1 longer piece.

This should translate into one short story a month.  In a year, I will be starting my thesis class.  I want a nice body of work ready to go before I set foot in the classroom.  Starting a year early should put me in a nice position for 2015.  By “longer piece” I mean something 10k words or more.

Goal #2 — Sell one short story.

This was my main goal for 2013.  I submitted a lot of work, but got a lot of rejections.  I’ve been trying off and on since 2004 to get published, but I stopped once I started grad school.  Last year I decided to resume my publishing quest.  Some rejections were very kind.  Some sucked.  I realize I just have to keep moving forward.  I’m never going to get published if I don’t keep writing and mailing my work out.

Goal #3 — Read at least 25 books this year.

This may seem like a small goal, but this past year I barely read 20 books.  Some books I started and just couldn’t finish.  Plus I tend to read a lot of short fiction on line.  Still, I need to read more.  So far this year I am off to a good start.  I just finished Brandon Sanderson’s Mistborn and am now reading Warbreaker.  Next up will be The Well of Ascension.

Goal #4 — Buy no new books, unless I get some gift cards.

During the holiday, I realized I had an insane amount of books waiting in my “to be read” pile.  I’m going on a year long hiatus of book buying to trim down the pile.  The only way I’m getting any more books is if someone gives me a gift card that I can’t spend anywhere else.

Goal #5 — Get my credit card bill down.

Grad school is expensive.  Root canals are expensive.  For the first time in two years I got a modest raise at my day job.  I need to start making a dent in my debt.

Those are the big ones.  There a few small ones like hang some pictures, exercise more, etc.  Honestly, I’m not too worried about those.  I’m in a regular routine for exercising and others are just chores I need to take care of.  These main goals are the big ones.  These are the ones I need to focus on.  I’ll return to these goals periodically over the year to record my progress.  For now, it feels good to have them out here in cyber space.  This gives me a real solid ideas to strive for.  Let’s see how 2014 goes.

Jan 1

Swimming in the Sea of Literary Writers: Reflections about 2013

Happy New Year!

It’s my first post for 2014!  It’s also my last day of vacation. (BOO!)

Here are some of the highlights of 2013 for me:

1.  Made it half way through my master’s degree.  I need 9 classes and I have completed 5.
2.  Got Margaret Atwood to sign my book.
3.  Wrote more then I ever have in previous years.
4.  Finally went to the dentist and ended up getting a root canal. (Please note — Do not put off going to the dentist.  It is worth it to go regualarly.)
5.  Kept one of my previous resolutions and lost 27lbs.

There are a few other moments, but those are the best.  Even the root canal, which was expensive and painful, counts as a good one, because now I am pain free.  No more chewing on the other side of my mouth.

I would like to talk a bit about the first point.  Getting halfway to my master’s degree is exciting, but it is also draining too.  Quite a few people I came into the program with graduated this sememster.  They opted to take a faster track than myself and are now out the the wide world, master’s degree in hand.  A few are even published. (I’ll put links to some of their work at the end.)  I’m very happy for them and wish them well.

I wonder if they had any of the odd experiences I am having.

I’m speaking of those moments when you realize you are a speculative writer in a sea of literary writers.  There are a handful of others in the program, that I have run into, but mostly we are the strange ones that stand out in the class.  Not necessarily because we are the best writers, but usually because are stories aren’t like anyone elses.  I remember an interview I read about Stephen Graham Jones.  In it, he said that he wrote a story about a guy, who shot invisilble holes in the earth with his invisible gun.  When it came time to workshop it, none of his classmates said anything.  Finally the professor told the class they had to say something and one guy finally spoke up and said, “I don’t know man.  This story was just really weird.”

Yep.  That’s what it’s like.  I should know. 2013 was my year of workshops.  For three straight semesters, I submitted pieces and braved the criticism of my fellow students.  Reactions ranged from flattering, to tough, but fair, to funny, and even the random WTF?.  I am grateful to any thoughtful opinion, even if I didn’t feel it was right for the story.  But I feel self-conscious that my stories aren’t the same.  Sometimes it’s good.  They are memorable and designed to be read multiple times.  Other times, my stories feel like freaks.  They look like strange, ill-formed things that stand out in a sea of perfection.  Hear my inward grown when a really good fellow classmate signs up for the same critique day as me.  I could almost hear the sighs as they read their story first and then my story and mutter, “Why can’t she just write something simple?”

I know some of this is in my head.  In truth, I love my stories and accepted a long time ago that if I wanted to be a good writer I needed to look to Bradbury, Atwood, Bender, and Butler.  Philip Roth and Ernest Hemingway just weren’t going to cut it.  I suppose this is the price I pay.  On the one side, my literary tendencies can come forth and play in the specualtive world.  I get the criticism of those who read and write literary fiction and can analyze those moments.  But the other side is that few of writers read speculative fiction, so when I write about virtual reality, or aliens, the newness can take centerstage.  It helps that a few of us had that same class together and became used to my style, but still the oddness can be a hinderance.

I honestly don’t know if this is something that should change.  I am sure I am gulity of it too.  Since my workshop requirements are over, standard critiquing is over too.  What 2014 will offer in my writing education? I can’t see yet.  I’m sure it will be good, but now it is time for me to work on my own.  Classes might now focus more on analyzing other writers and applying the techniques to my own.  Hopefully this will deepen and improve my writing.
One of my resolutions for 2013 was to get published.  It didn’t happen, but I will keep trying and maybe 2014 will be the year.  I just have to keep submitting.

Here’s to 2014!  Hope your year is full of wonderful moments and interesting stories!

Here are a few of my classmate’s websites —

Like beer?  Like literature?  Head on over to Oliver Grey’s site.
Kelly Ann Jacobson will have not one, but two books out this year!  Check out her site to read excerpts and find links to her short stories and essays.
Want to read more about writer’s lives?  Check out Mike Chin’s blog.  He’s a born storyteller.

Aug 23

Inspiration

My summer semester concluded yesterday and I feel myself taking a long deep breath.  The class was good, but I need a break. Just two short weeks and then it is back into the grind…

However, I combed through some of my old papers and I found two inspirational quotes I had forgotten about.  I’ll share them here as a way to keep pushing myself.  I hope you like them too.

1) “I think that if art is not made then the world will go on, but once art is created, it sort of connects you with just about everybody else who’s around.”  — Edward P. Jones

2) “Write about what you love and write about what scares you… If you’re writing about what you love, you might have stories that are perfectly resolved and quite happy.  If you’re writing about what scares you, you may sometimes have a story that’s not quite resolved.  If you write about what you love and if what you love scares you, then you may have the ‘Great American Novel’.” — Greg Bear

Aug 2

Cats and Frogs

 

I Feel So Stupid Right Now

I have finished another night of class and I feel as if I have hit an emotional wall. Right now, I am asking myself why I bother to get this degree. Everything I like, the professor pointed out as a problem. Parts that I saw as a problem were highlighted as effective. Do I read my classmates work with another brain? Am I so underdeveloped as a writer that I am starting to see bad as good and vice versa?  Somedays (days like today) I just want to quit. No one is forcing me to get this degree. No one forced me to apply to this program. And yet, I take a step back as think, Well, if you knew all this stuff you wouldn’t need to pay all this money.

I want to blame this disconnect on my genre style writing. I am not a literary writer, although I like to think that I straddle the line between genre and literary. Even so, most literary journals, editor, and readers will look at my writing and firmly declare me a fantasy writer. I can wear that label. It suits me and my bookshelves are filled with science fiction/fantasy. I am what I read.

Being a genre writer in a traditional program makes me have a crisis moment at least once a semester. I feel it more tonight, because said crisis had happened several times in previous classes this semester. My process was wrong. My words were shallow repeats of my classmates. Over and over, I feel myself not seeing what everyone else sees. It makes me close my mouth and not open it again, convinced that my words are so empty, how could I ever think they would matter?

I know on some rational level this is not true. When we read a work, we bring our own personal thoughts and experiences. How can your opinion be wrong?

And I still leave class feeling like crap…

I think my real fear stems from not seeing what others see. It is like everyone stares at a cloud and sees a frog. But I don’t see a frog! I see a cat. Damn, where is the frog??? It is insecurity that only I feel and not necessarily present. I don’t know if I will ever get over it. My writer’s neurosis may always be there. The pressure to conform, whether real or imagined, will always be on me in this program, because I don’t see frogs. I see cats.

Sometimes I wish I could be like everyone else. To write a close character study story with an intimate setting and snappy dialogue would be so normal. A story where nothing “weird” happens and plot is not a driving force would fly out of my head and onto the page.

Once in a while, I do write the straight forward literary story, but those moments are rare. My stories (and my voice as a writer) are strange, beautifully strange to me, and haunt me. I write the work that I just can’t get out of my head. And those stories are not going to be found in the literary section.

In fairness my classmates and professors have always been respectful of my work. I’ve never been offended by anything anyone has ever said or written. I am lucky. I had heard horror stories about genre writers being torn apart by literary people. The idea that genre writers somehow don’t work as hard as a literary writer does permeate some programs. I did have a moment about 10 years ago in a community writing session when one woman suggest that I “get rid of all the supernatural stuff and write a real story.” Ouch! Lucky for me there was another reader in that group who told me to ignore her.

*12 Hours Later*

I ran out of steam earlier. Last night I felt so drained and I just wanted to get the thoughts out before they faded. My feelings haven’t changed. I’m still feeling stupid and lost, but I also recognize that this may never change. I enrolled in this program to learn and grow as a writer. If I can’t be challenged, why am I here? To carry on my metaphor, I need to see cats and frogs.

And I realize that this won’t happen overnight.

So I’m going to be frustrated and lost during my pursuit of a master’s degree. I could quit, but what good would that do me? How will that make me better as a writer? Instead of quitting, I need to dig in and do the work. I need to develop bifocals to see both as a literary writer and a genre writer. I have a feeling I’m going to be messing up a lot. I’m exhausted and overwhelmed at times. I still have over a year of classes to take and plenty of assignments and discussions. I do feel like I am growing as a writer. It is just that growing pains hurt!

Hopefully, at the end of this, I will be a better writer. That is my goal after all. I can’t be passive about it. I have to actively work on pushing my old habits aside and trying to learn new ones. I can’t be afraid of the different.

Wish me luck!

Jun 4

The Bradbury Effect

In my last post, I wrote how much I wished I could be as productive as Ray Bradbury.  For some reason, I just didn’t think that I could work like that, churning out a story every week. This past May proved me wrong.

I decided I would try and so far I have finished a piece every week.  I start on Monday and by Sunday, I try and finish something, whether it is a short story, flash fiction, blog post, or the end of a longer piece.  The sense of accomplishment feels very good.  I feel productive.  It spurs me on to get to the next story.  I still have a ton to rewrite and a million other writing ideas to get down into cohesive stories, but for now I am happy to be stacking up the work.  After all, the more you write the better you get.  Not all of these stories are going to be good, but some of them have the potential to be good.  I’m a believer of this idea now.

Good thing too, because I signed up for a summer session at JHU.  Spring classes ended around the first week of May and
now, four short weeks later, I am gearing up for another workshop class.  That means, more writing and critiquing
are in my future.  Last semester was a good group of writers.  I learned a lot about myself (my confusing pronoun usage, my tendency for groups of three, needing deeper character development, etc.).  I’m sure this next class will help me along too.

In other news, I got into a car accident last week.  The insult was that it happened five minutes from my house! Thank God no one was hurt.  The accident was very minor and the only thing damaged were the cars.  For the past few days, while my car is being repaired I’ve been driving a rental.  A 2013 Altima.  It has a push start, something I have never driven.  It’s not my style of car, but I’m marveling at all the bells and whistles.  There is even a feature on the dash that tells you what song you are listening to on the radio.  Modern technology!  I’m used to my older car where you have to work for everything. LOL!

I also came across another gem of a book.  A signed copy of The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen.  The best part?  I bought it from the thrift store when they had a 50% Memorial Day sale.  I love the spring/summer season.  People give away the best stuff now.  Along with the Franzen book, I got a copy of If on a winter’s night a traveler by Italo Calvino and Brief Interviews with Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace.  I’ll get to them soon, but right now I’m reading Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe.  Interesting so far.  It’s one of those Big books many people read, and since I never read it, I thought I should join the club.

And yes, I did get around to reading 50 Shades of Grey.

All I will say about that book, is that I didn’t like it, don’t understand the people who do, and will go back to reading Harold Robbins the next time I feel the urge to read something trashy.  Now that man could tell a story and write some great sex scenes!

I did like Karen Russell, though.  Her stories were inventive, sometimes fun, sometimes heartbreaking, original, and ambitious.  I have Swamplandia! on my “to be read shelf” too.

There are so many great stories to be read.  So many yet to be written (hopefully one or two by yours truly).  I haven’t forgotten my New Year’s resolution.  You know the one where I wanted to be published.  So along with writing, I’ve got to start submitting again.

I just have to start one story at a time.

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