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Oct 10

The Day I Sold My Childhood Violin

Sheet Music

 

Today, I put my childhood violin up for consignment. Since the early 00’s, I’ve been lugging it from apartment to apartment. Once in a while I would open the case to make sure it wasn’t broken. I didn’t play it, but it was a part of me. The feelings were the same as the ones I held for my old pointe shoes. Both were such a part of my childhood that getting rid of them seemed unthinkable. Why would I get rid of a part of my childhood?

Then a few weeks ago, I was digging through my cedar chest looking for a purse, when I realized that I still had my violin, hadn’t played it, and wouldn’t miss it if I got rid of it. Truthfully, I even felt a little guilty because it was a beautiful instrument, probably Japanese made, that was at least fifty years old. And it just sat in my storage chest, collecting dust. I thought the violin deserved to be with someone who would use it, enjoy it, as I had.

I started playing when I was ten. I remember asking my mom, if I could start lessons, and she encouraged me. She had played as a kid and so had her father. My dad wasn’t musically inclined, but he like the idea of his daughter playing the “fiddle”. So, for the next ten years I played.

In school, I didn’t work on the newspaper or hang out with the theater kids. I was a music girl. I played in orchestra and was a flag girl for the marching band. Violin, along with dance (mostly ballet), was my creative outlet. I did write stories, but that was in secret. My writing was a private affair. But music became a wonderful outlet too. I knew I would never be a famous concert violinist, but being a part of a creative community was very fulfilling. We would laugh and joke in class. I hummed classical music, along with the pop songs of the day. I can’t really explain it, but there was something magical about drawing my bow against the strings and hearing a wonderful melody of a song. It was fun and became an area that I could focus myself. (And yeah, it saddens me that music programs are being cut. They add so much to a school experience.)

As I got older, my interest in playing waned. I took a few classes in college, but once I got deeper in my English major, the violin went into storage and floundered there for the next 17 years. Until I took it to the shop today. The same shop my parents went to and bought it for me. The owner even had the original receipt, which he kindly photocopied so I could show my mother. As I filled out the paperwork to consign the violin, one of the shop workers teased me.

“Are you sure you want to sell?” Her voice was soft, like she was asking me if I wanted to end an intimate relationship.

“Yes,” I said firmly. “I want it to go to someone who will love it and play it.”

Perhaps one day, in another 17 years, I will want to play again. I still set aside one pre-programmed button in my car for the classical station. I flip over every now and then when I want to get my Beethoven on. I still love live concerts and wish I went to more of them. But for now, I am content to be a listener, not a player.

I didn’t feel any sadness leaving my violin in the store. If there is one emotion I could pinpoint, it would be nostalgia. I even took a drive by my childhood home, just because I was in the neighborhood. But there was no regret, no pang of wanting my instrument back. I had loved it and let it go. Now it was time for someone else to love this violin. Maybe they will find a group of odd misfits that love Mozart, or maybe it will be a senior citizen who played as a child and wants to rekindle that love. Who ever gets it will be lucky. I think the violin is filled with positive energy. I should know. It’s from me.

Oct 5

The End is the Beginning is the End

Fall is upon us. The trees are just starting to turn here in the Mid-Atlantic. I’ve never really felt like fall is an ending, just a change. After all, new TV season starts now. (Btw how good is the Good Wife right now? I think it’s the best show on TV. Although Person of Interest is a close second followed by Sleepy Hollow.) In some ways nature is like a circle. It ends and begins and ends again and again. I think I’ll take this month and wrap up any outstanding projects I’m still working on.

As a writer, I’m constantly creating something new. I think up a new story, essay, or blog post. A big problem I have is finishing what I start. Heinlein’s second rule always seems to get me. So as we deepen into fall, I’m going to remember that I must finish what I start. I need to end before I can begin something else. I’m still off from work, so this is a good opportunity to write The End on a few things.

Also, I did say I wanted to finish a longer piece. So far, I’ve just stall out on the story. This is going to require a big push to get it done, but I only have a few more months to go before the end of the year. I can see the goal ahead. I’m heading toward it.

And yes, I stole the title of this post from the Smashing Pumpkins song.

Sep 30

End Point – Short Story September 2014

It’s the end of September and the last day of my personal challenge to finish four stories this month. Technically I did, although one story was a creative piece for class. I am also ¾ of the way from finishing one more story, but since I wanted to post today, as of now, it is not finished. Still the day is not over and I will probably knock it out tonight in between watching NCIS and Person of Interest.

You may have also noticed a more consistent posting schedule. I’ve decided to try to post every 5th day and see how well I stay consistent. So far, it is not too hard and more importantly, easy to remember. In the past, I honestly forgot about this blog and when I did remember to post months had gone by. Not good.

Speaking of not good, right now I am on a furlough from my job. It happened at the last-minute and caught me off guard. For the next two weeks, I’ll have no day job to work on. In a way it is an unexpected gift. What would you do, if someone said, “Here you go. Have a couple of weeks off to just live your life.” Me, I think I’ll work on more writing. For once, I’ll be able to see what a full-time devotion to writing will look like.

Still, I don’t want this to be permanent. I kinda need my day job for stuff like rent and food.

Finally, you may have noticed a few changes in some other pages on this blog. Earlier this month, I got my first acceptance letter. My story “The Blind Woman and Her Spiders” was accepted for publication in the anthology Magical: An Anthology of Fantasy, Fairy Tales, and Other Fiction For Adults. I will now be a published writer by the end of the year.

I have a lot of thoughts (and emotions) about this moment in my writing career. Last winter, I got a really harsh rejection letter that bothered me for months. I think I will post in the future about that experience, but for now I want to focus on the enjoyment of having that moment when the conversation changes. Most writers know what I’m talking about. The conversation usually goes went like this:

Other person: So you are a writer? Can I read some of your work?

Me: Well, I’m not published yet.

Now the conversation goes like this:

Other person: So you are a writer? Can I read some of your work?

Me: Yes, I have a story out (insert name of publication here).

And that, folks, feels pretty damn good.

Sep 25

What’s Your Goal?

I’ve been thinking about goals. Maybe because I’m less than a year from graduating. I find myself googling various writers to see what comes next. I said to myself, a few times over the summer, that I won’t know what to do in a year. I’m so used to the routine of work, school, home. Again in less than a year, I’ll be back to pre-2011 me. A me that took vacations and traveled!

Oh, and I had disposable income!

Recently I found this article by Tobias Buckell. In it, he details the difference between goals and milestones. In a nutshell, goals are things you can control. Milestones just happen. I really love this way of thinking and it is helping me put things into perspective. I reread my goals for the year and I realize I am going about them in a wrong way.

My goal should not be to be published. Being published is a milestone. My goal should be to mail out the story twenty times (or more)before I give up and bury it in the trunk. I have no control over editors and what they will buy. But I do have control over my stories. So, I write the best story I can, polish it up, and send it out into the world. That’s what I always do and that’s what I will continue to do.

This can also apply to other things in life. Instead of a goal to lose 100lbs in a year, you could say the goal is to exercise 5 days a week. Who knows if you can even lose that kind of weight in a year. But if you make the commitment to eat your veggies, lay off the sugar, and move your body, you can see some changes. Forget the number, that is a milestone. Aim for the things you can control.

So next January, I’ll think long and hard about my goals. I’ll aim for things I can control. I’m already thinking of the One Year, One Hundred Rejections challenge that was popular a few years ago. Poets employed this method, but I wonder what that would be like for a writer of a longer form. At the very least, it will make me more productive and more aggressive with submissions.

Still writing my own September challenge, but we’ll see where the chips lay in a few days. Until then, think of your own goals and where you want to be. A friend said, “Everyone should have a goal in life.” It can be as simple or abstract as you like, but I think you should have something.

Sep 20

Books that Inspire Me #1

Slipstream Anthology

In the fall of 2004, I sat in a small annex room at George Mason University, waiting for a panel discussion on speculative writers who cross genres to begin. It was the only panel I made a point to see (although I did stick around for a couple other panels on science fiction writing). The panel consisted of John Kessel, Gregory Frost, and Michael Swanwick. Kim Stanley Robinson sat in the back, along with a smattering of college students and adults. I suppose it wasn’t a popular topic. This was years before The Road, Game of Thrones, The Hunger Games, and dozens of other books and movies that infuse speculative elements became popular. Don’t get me wrong, scifi movies and books were still popular, but the idea that they could be more than a scifi book was not yet embraced. At least, it didn’t seem that way to me.

And that is why I was interested in this panel. It was sort of a moment happening when scifi authors were breaking out. The attitude seemed to be Yes this is a story about witches and warlocks, but look, I can make it about love, ambition, life, death, etc. Neil Gaiman’s American Gods arrived a few years earlier critical acclaim. Conjunctions 39: New Wave Fabulists also, got a nice mention and when I look through it now, I see quite a few writers who are still popular, such as Kelly Link, Nalo Hopkinson, and China Miéville. This panel address a growing wave that now looks so natural.

It was a good discussion and the big take away I got from it, was not that crossing genres was a new technique. That had been done for centuries. Instead it was that writers were doing this on purpose and people now noticed this phenomena. John Kessel also mentioned that he had put together an anthology that showcased many of these writers. A few months later, I bought it.

I have mentioned this book before. The stories contained are fantastic and sometimes I find myself rereading them and getting the same enjoyment. In March 3013 I reread “Bright Morning” and rediscovered a beautiful, inspiring story. This collection makes me want to right smart, ambitious stories. After reading, I want to push myself, because good stories aren’t just thought up in the air. They are crafted, carefully in my mind. (Other writers may create differently.) After so many years of writing, I realize that I’ll never run out of ideas, but an idea is not a story. This collection shows me how an idea can grow into a great story.

Also, I don’t think my reading habits have changed much. To this day, Amazon will still recommend this book when I log in.

Sep 15

Halfway Point — Short Story September 2014

Well, I’m half way through the month and my personal challenge (dubbed Short Story September). So far things are going really well. I finished two fiction pieces, and, for an added bonus, I also wrote an essay. Yes, I dipped my toe back into non-fiction. For those that haven’t read my bio page, I wrote an on-line column years ago. It was fun, but sucked a lot of time and I eventually quit to devote more time to my fiction writing. I don’t regret the move, but every now and then I want to venture back. I think that is why I started this blog.

So to recap, I finished three pieces so far this month. That makes my total for the year to 6. I’m behind my goal for writing a new piece every month (I should have nine by now.), but I think my work output is getting better. Considering that I still am in grad school, working full time, and writing a longer piece, I’m feeling pretty positive.

At the end of the month, I’ll tally all the stories and books I read for the year.

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