In the last few years I’ve neglected my writing career. I got so wrapped up in trying to write a novel that I Ignored the other aspects. Yes the pandemic swashed my book readings and literary conferences, but I also didn’t pay much attention to the on-line life either. You can tell just by looking at this blog how little attention I gave it. Perhaps I was burnt out and needed a break from the endless news about who published what. I think I also needed to recharge creatively.
In short, I checked out.
Now I find myself writing again (and trying to finish) new stories. Today I submitted something for the first time in YEARS. That felt really good. Felt productive.
But I find myself staring at my writing life and realizing it is in shambles. I don’t have a submission plan. I don’t have a list of places to send stuff. I’m going to have to start from scratch. Some of the places I might have wanted to submit to are now gone. They folded in the pandemic, or are on an indefinite hiatus. There is also the old dilemma of places that take themes and certain styles (Hard SF for example). I already write weird stuff, finding places for it to live is yet another task I have to add on.
I should say that I am not complaining. I feel like a gardener that neglected their garden and now have to clear all the weeds away to make room for new plantings. It’s work, but not bad work. There’s a lot to do, but once I get going, I just have to maintain.
So that’s where I’m at right now. Dusting off old stories, rewriting them if necessary, and finding homes for them (where ever that is) occupies my time now. I still have a couple stories in progress that I will finish (one will be done by Sept. 1) and then I’ll see where I’m at.
It’s been a while, so I thought I would write a post to sum up what’s been going on.
In my last post, I talked about finishing a novel. It didn’t happen. I wrote diligently for a few months, but by March of 2022, I knew the book would die off. I just wasn’t interested in pursuing the project. The characters had grown stale and I didn’t know where to go next in the plot. So I put the book aside and decided to try something else.
In truth, I put writing aside. I didn’t quit, but instead took a few months off. In April of 2022, my job announced they would be bringing us back into the office. So my hour and fifteen minute commute would resume. Luckily, it is hybrid and I still get to work from home most days of the week. Writing got put on hold and I focused more on the day job.
But inflation was kicking my butt and I needed extra money. So I did what millions of people have been doing, and I got a side hustle. My gig of choice was reselling. I had some luck, finding a few valuable things at the thrift store, and I sold some of my own personal items. I didn’t make much money, but it kept my busy and I learned a few new skills. I had always thought I was a terrible salesperson, but I have learned that if you have something people want, it is very easy to sell it to them. I had fun treasure hunting and selling my wares, but as I said, I didn’t make very much (about $30 to $40 profit per month) and starting in January I began to sell off my remaining inventory and close up shop. I never wanted to replace my job (I like my work.). I just hoped to pull in an extra $100 a month. When that didn’t happen, it was time to pivot.
I didn’t forget about writing. Sometime in September 2023, I cranked out a new short story. That was my first finished project in years, and I attribute it to the break. I stepped away from writing and when I came back, I had renewed energy. The pressure was off to write this novel and I could go back to writing the fun stuff, that I was excited to work on. I was busy at that time with day job, reselling, and now writing again. Because I had such a limited amount of time, I didn’t waste it worrying. I got down to work.
So now that I am not reselling, I’m back to writing in my extra time. I’m currently working on a new short story and figuring out what my next move is going to be. Since the start of the year, I’ve been asking myself, what do I want my writing career to look like? Where do I want to be in 5 years with my writing? I’m not sure. I want to keep pushing out new and interesting stories. Perhaps one day I will stick with a story long enough to write a novel. It’s half way through the year and I’m still asking myself, what matters to me?
I do know that I’ve grown a little more discouraged about submitting to journals and zines. I’m not against them, but I look at the guidelines and none of my work seems to fit what editors are looking for. I don’t seem to be creating work that will make them money and if you can’t make an editor money, they’re not going to publish you. They may love the work (and even love you), but it’s a business and I understand that now more than ever. (Reselling. You can love and item, but that doesn’t mean anyone will buy it, or pay the price you want.)
More and more, I think self-publishing is just the best way for me to go. I may continue to submit to the bigger places (or even smaller if I think I have something that is a good fit), but I will not be as diligent as I was. Time to let that go.
I also think I’m letting go of the idea of being a full time writer. Maybe when I’m in my retirement years (hopefully I can retire) I’ll just be a writer. For now, I’m sticking with my day job. I just got a promotion this month, I’m aggressively saving for retirement, I’m getting my other money on track (emergency fund, budget, etc.). Now is not the time to take my foot off the gas. I turned 46 this year and I know that I want to have a better future. The fantasy of full time writer is just not in my reality right now.
And yet, I’m still going to write the work that excites me and that I think is valuable. No one else may agree with me. After all, no one is waiting with baited breath for my work. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop writing. This was a hard truth for me to realize, but I think I’m better for it. The pressure I put on myself, stifled me, stilted me, and ultimately make question every word I wrote. I couldn’t work like that.
Now, I’m in a place of — Who Cares if It has no Market Value? It’s cool and I want to write it!
I plan on repeating this mantra every time I feel that pressure. And yes, I will try to update this blog more regularly too. I stepped away for far too long. Breaks are sometimes necessary and now I feel refreshed and ready for the next chapter.
It’s the end of 2021 and I can say this was the year I took a break. I started the year wanting (like everyone else) to do some big things… finished the book, write more stories, self-publish, etc. I thought I would do it, but I didn’t. I did a little. A few more chapters. A few half finished stories. But nothing close to what I set out to do at the end of 2020.
Earlier today, I stared at my vision board for 2021 and inwardly groaned. The goals were achievable and I dropped the ball. When I think back on the year all I really remember is repeating pattern of work, meals, family time, and sleep. Very little of this time was devoted to creating.
Even being at home most of the time, I still found other things to do besides create. That is such a foreign feeling for me and yet I fell into this pattern quite easily. I’ve been thinking about this all day. I didn’t quit, I just… didn’t try very hard. My feeling is that I am burnt out.
One day I’ll have to do a post about the times I completely quit writing. There were two times and for different reasons. But every time I found my way back.
This year I didn’t quit. I was still writing and, even earlier this year, I wrote about adding new chapters to my novel. But I didn’t finish anything.
And that is frustrating for me.
I like finishing stuff. It is very satisfying to see a whole project completed and laid in front of me. Going into year three of this book… sucks. I want to be done. I think this desire and made me unmotivated to continue. It looks so contradictory when I write this out. I want to be done with the book, so I don’t write it. LOL. I took a light writing year and now I’m unmotivated to write.
So going into 2022, I’m going to try and get on a schedule. Maybe this will help. I feel like I’ve done better when I put myself on a writing schedule. Either way, I’m going to take the next three months to finish this book. I’m going to have an ending by March 31.
Also, I have not forgotten about putting more short stories on Amazon. But book first. That is the push for the next three months.
It’s the end of the summer. I don’t know about you, but I’m wishing for another month. While fall is a beautiful time of year with all of it’s exciting moments, I’m still wishing for a few more days of warm weather and long days. This year, things seemed to move too fast.
I did get to spend more time with my family this year and even had a couple of nice day trips out and about in the area. I’m not ready to get on a plane just yet. Things are still not back to normal. But in July, I went out to dinner, in a real restaurant, with no mask. That’s a win. Also, so far everyone I know is safe and healthy. Another win.
As for my writing, I wish could say I finished tons of projects, but the truth is that I am still working hard on my novel. Officially, I have been working on this thing off and on since March 2019 ( unofficially longer). Not too long ago, I got totally sick of it and considered abandoning the project, but after a few months, I have reconsidered. I read a few books, that were in my “to be read” pile, and started thinking of this novel in a new way. What story was I really trying to tell? Was this the best way to tell it? Maybe I was having so many problems, because I was on the wrong path?
So I started writing new scenes and so far, I’m liking the results. Being flexible with my work has been one of the best things I’ve learned over the years. You can’t be scared to try new things and change. Maybe these scenes will help the book, or maybe not, but I’m happy I’m still able to write more into this story. The worst feeling is to write and then hit a creative brick wall.
LOL. Oneday I’m gonna finish! There must be other slower writers out there. I can’t be the only one.
One nice thing is that I’m still working from home, so no commute for me. Those extra 2 hours a day have added to the writing time.
I still plan on self-publishing some of my short stories, so look out for those soon. I hope to get them done by the end of the year.
Lots of work left to do, but the year is not over yet!
To be honest, I just haven’t felt like writing. My days have been boring and I just haven’t felt the motivaton to post updates. Really it feels like the last few months have flown by with me repeating the same day.
Really, it’s felt like that for the past year.
But things are changing. For one thing, in a few weeks I will be fully vaccinated. Things are starting to open up again and I do feel a sense of normalcy returning.
As for my writing, I have a large stack of written words that it trying to be a novel. I have some ideas about what I need to do, but it is such a daunting task, I just don’t want to start just yet. I know I will get to it. I’ve learned by now that I can’t walk away from writing. Even if I don’t pick up a pen, I’m working stories out in my head.
One thing I have been doing is reading again. I’m ashamed to say I only read a couple books last year. Diving into a good book is just what I need to do right now. Reconnect to my love of reading and remind myself about great stories. Some days I find myself excited about the end of the work day because it means I get to go read my book. I used to feel this way when I was a kid. Get home from school and dive into a book (usually a Stephen King or Anne Rice novel).
Sometimes we just need to reconnect with our basic needs. I pust so much pressure on myself to write something meaningful and get it published, I forget to just enjoy myself.
And I do think that somewhere in the pile of words, trying to be a novel of mine, there is a fun story.
So, since my job has informed me that we will continue remote work until the fall, I have decided that this summer, I’m going to have fun. (No commute means I have more time during my workday.) Do fun stuff, and write fun stuff. Enjoy myself. So if I feel like wasting a whole day buried in a book, that’s what ya girll is going to do.
I will try and update this blog more. I haven’t forgot my goals made earlier this year, but no pressure…
It’s been a slow month. I wish I could say that I killed it this month with writing, but I didn’t . I’ve still managed to get a few words in here and there every week. Progress is still slow. How I envy those that can knock out thousands of words every day, week, or month. I try not to compare myself to other writers I know. I tell myself that my path is mine alone. My career as a writer should not be measured by anyone else’s success. We all have our own problems that we need to overcome in order to write. Because your never going to have time to write. You must make the time.
I’ve been tracking my writing for the last few years too. What I’ve noticed is during the winter months, I tend to write less. Blame the cold, or the early sunsets, or the “winter blues.” I slow down this time of year. Then in early spring, like mid-April/early May, I perk up and start writing more.
So, I’ll won’t beat myself up too much. I’m putting words on the page. Maybe not a ton, but some. I had hoped to finish this novel soon, but I still have a ways to go. I still so proud that I am still plugging away at this thing. It would’ve been so easy to quit. But no, I’m still working.
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